Heart Breaking

Contrary to the title of my blog, “Beautiful Life”, life at times shows up its ugly side too and that’s exactly what happened with a friend of my last sunday.

His 6-year-old son passed away…

A grim reminder that some things are not in our control.

It was all fine just a few weeks ago. The little kid used to play with his friends and had big plans for the summer vacation which was just round the corner. Four days before his death he had a high fever. The temperature went so high that it hit his brains and the child collapsed on the way to the hospital.

It pains to see small children die. Today my friend is still in a state of shock and his wife is uncontrollable. It is times like these we find asking ourselves, if we are not in control, then who is? God? And if it is so, why the poor child?

There are many all over the world who, I am sure, are looking for an answer to that.

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Proverbs 20:11

“Even a child is known by his doings, whether his work be pure, and whether it be right.”

Actions speak louder than words. Even young children, who have not learned hypocrisy, show their souls by deeds. Men commend themselves, pretend to be wise, profess to be believers, and take Christ’s name in baptism; but a man’s conduct proves his soul. Hypocrites are exposed, if you ignore their words and measure their actions by Scripture.

Wisdom includes the ability to perceive the character of others. Solomon knew his son must be a good judge of men to be a successful king. He had just written, “Most men will proclaim every one his own goodness: but a faithful man who can find?” (20:6). Rather than reading resumes and listening to testimonies, wise men measure a man’s conduct.

David knew the danger of hypocrites and pretenders. He begged God to eliminate them for the prosperity of his kingdom and people. He prayed, “Rid me, and deliver me from the hand of strange children, whose mouth speaketh vanity, and their right hand is a right hand of falsehood” (Ps 144:11). He hated lying words and false handshakes and oaths.

Jesus taught to measure prophets by their fruits – the spiritual results of their ministries (Matt 7:15-20). Claims mean nothing; popularity means nothing; growth means nothing; and impressive assemblies mean nothing. The measure of a minister is spiritual fruit in the lives of his hearers (I Tim 4:13-16). Many ministries are bankrupt by this measure.

A good tree does not bear bad fruit.. Men do not look for grapes on thorn bushes, and they do not look for figs on thistle plants (Matt 7:15-20). A fig tree does not bear olive berries, a grapevine does not produce figs, and a good fountain does not send bitter water (Jas 3:10-11). The heart of a man is shown by what comes out of his mouth and the rest of his life (Matt 12:34-37). This rule is a general axiom of life to judge true character.

When it comes to the gospel and eternal life, the rule applies as well. Professions of faith mean nothing in comparison to works of righteousness (Matt 7:21; II Pet 1:10-11). The devils believe there is one God and tremble about it, but it does them no good (Jas 2:19). Faith without works is worthless (Jas 2:14-26). John wrote, “He that saith, I know him, and keepeth not his commandments, is a liar, and the truth is not in him” (I John 2:4).

Exceptional sins do not alter the rule, for they are exceptions, and the best of men will sin. David, Hezekiah, Josiah, and Peter, among others, sinned notably. But their overall character was much greater in proving honest and good hearts. David sinned heinously, but his general conduct was far superior to the constant profanity of Saul’s life.

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4 Essential Mentoring Skills

As a manager one of your roles is to coach and mentor your staff.

Well it should be anyhow!

Good mentors are able to embrace and develope four main skills.

Without these skills you will not be able to communicate with or aid in the enhancement of anyone’s development.

And these skills are:

* Observation Skills

These are important because you must be able to see and understand what the person you are mentoring is currently doing and/or is capable of.

* Analytical Skills

These will give you the tools you need in order to determine where the person you are working with is falling short and what changes may need to be made.

* Questioning and Active Listening Skills

These are essential. When mentoring, you don’t feed the person you are working with a set of detailed instructions or are telling them what to do.

Instead, you’re probing and asking them questions so they come to the conclusions themselves. You’re not a teacher, you’re a guide. A lot of mentors are actually good at asking the questions but never listen to the answers.

This is a really key skill.

* Feedback Skills

These are incredibly important as well. You must be able to give honest feedback in the form of constructive comments. Negative feedback isn’t appropriate in most mentoring situations. You must be able to provide feedback on the actions and behaviours of your staff member without making them feel as though they have failed.

Have you taken the time to develop these mentoring skills?

If not, get to it!

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Ever Heard Of The Appreciative Inquiry Method?

I’m a big student of the latest and greatest management theories and methods and up until a month ago I had never heard of the Appreciative Inquiry Method!

Appreciative Inquiry is a newer term not many of you may be familiar with. It is, in short, the act of learning about and appreciating the values that those around us have to offer.

You’ve heard the phrase “find the best in others”

That’s exactly what appreciative inquiry is about. In business, and as a manager, it’s your responsibility to work with people until you uncover their positive traits – the traits you and your team can use and appreciate.

According to Carol Wilson, there are four main stages when it comes to appreciative inquiry. They are:

• Discovery
• Dream
• Design
• Destiny

You start by discovering what you have – learning about what is working for your team right now and what could potentially change based on the traits and skills you have uncovered.

You then take the time to think about (or dream up) the best possible outcome possible. After you have an idea, you have to design a plan that will bring those dreams to fruition.

You then determine the destiny by figuring out exactly how your design can most naturally exist, combining both new and existing resources without upsetting the old systems.

You must evolve and emerge.

Appreciative inquiry isn’t about forcing change. It’s about learning about the traits, skills, and characteristics of your team members you didn’t realize existed and allowing them to evolve naturally into your processes – with a little encouragement, of course!

Like with all methods and theories use it or lose it!

Or take something from it that you can use and put it into action.

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Our Most Memorable Christmas Gift (Part Two)

Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us. ~ Ephesians 3:20

It was fascinating to read, 18 years later, the earnest commitment we had made as a young couple: At the top of our pages was a similar statement:
Contract with God:

I hereby give all rights to God of the following things that I want:
Then came our lists (partial):

• Dennis
• Nice big house with workshop, office
• To ski well
• Nice furniture and things
• Sharp clothes
• Security
• Easygoing job
• Success in ministry and speaking ability
• Stay healthy
• A healthy, big family-several boys
• Barbara
• Barbara
• Children-at least one boy and one girl
• Dennis
• To live to see my children grow up
• To be settled and stable
• To be an outstanding couple and family

Reading the lists on those two pages, Barbara and I were immediately stunned by two things. First, we noticed how silly and shallow some of the things were that we deemed valuable and difficult to give up to God. I was struck by how much I was preoccupied with material things. Looking back over our years together, I found it fascinating how God had continuously sought to wean us from that which is perishable and replace our values with the imperishable: People and His Word.
We also were surprised at how much more God has given us than what we gave up. We immediately thought of Ephesians 3:20. Both of us feel we sacrificed nothing and have gained far more than we ever dreamed of.

Prayer:
That God would give you discernment about your true priorities in life.
Discuss: Get alone with God and make your own list of things that are most important to you. Prayerfully formalize a contract with God giving Him total ownership and rights to your life. Sign and date your document.

* by Dennis and Barbara Rainey

Our Most Memorable Christmas Gift (Part One)

Present your bodies a living and holy sacrifice, acceptable to God. Romans 12:1

Barbara and I recently were asked, “What is the most memorable Christmas gift you’ve ever given or received?” Instantly our minds raced backwards over invisible tracks and skidded to a stop at the same intersection: Our first Christmas together as a couple, in 1972. Our Christmas tree that year was sparsely decorated with a dozen red ornaments. The small living room was quiet, but warm. A scant few presents lay scattered under the scotch pine. Neither of us have any recollection of what prompted us, but evidently the Spirit of God wanted us to dedicate and commemorate our new life together in Jesus Christ. So we decided that before we would give each other our gifts, we would first give God the most valued gift we possessed: our lives. The kitchen table became Barbara’s altar, while I sat on the borrowed couch. Each of us, individually, spent some time writing out the “Title Deeds to Our Lives.” It was a time of counting the cost of being a committed follower of Jesus Christ. It meant relinquishing all rights and ownership of our lives to God. It was a practical application of Romans 12:1,2, which urges us to commit our lives totally to the Lord. It wasn’t easy, that bare-bones honesty with God. We wrote down all that we desired, all the things we thought were important, and said we wanted to give them to Him. Then, folding and placing those two sheets of paper in an envelope, we wrote on the outside: To God Our Father. We sealed the envelope, and then we verbalized together in prayer what had already taken place privately on our sheets of paper. There were no bells. No angelic choirs singing. No blinding light. Just the firm confidence that what we had done was right. Eighteen years later we retrieved those documents from our safety deposit box and read them. And in the next devotion I’ll show you what we found. Prayer: That you would be able to wholeheartedly give your lives completely to Him. Discuss: Have you ever written out a “Title Deed” to your life? What would prevent you from giving God total control of your life?

* by Dennis and Barbara Rainey

REMEMBER MY BIRTHDAY?

As you well know, we are getting closer to my birthday. Every year there is a celebration in my honor and I think that this year the celebration will be repeated. During this time there are many people shopping for gifts, there are many radio announcements, TV commercials, and in every part of the world everyone is talking that my birthday is getting closer and closer.

It is really very nice to know, that at least once a year, some people think of me. As you know, the celebration of my birthday began many years ago. At first people seemed to understand and be thankful of all that I did for them, but in these times, no one seems to know the reason for the celebration. Family and friends get together and have a lot of fun, but they don’t know the meaning of the celebration.

I remember that last year there was a great feast in my honor. The dinner table was full of delicious foods, pastries, fruits, assorted nuts and chocolates. The decorations were exquisite and there were many, many beautifully wrapped gifts. But, do you want to know something? I wasn’t invited. I was the guest of honor and they didn’t remember to send me an invitation. The party was for me, but when that great day came, I was left outside, they closed the door in my face……… and I wanted to be with them and share their table. In truth, that didn’t surprise me because in the last few years all close their doors to me.

Since I was not invited, I decided to enter the party without making any noise. I went in and stood in a corner. They were all drinking; there were some who were drunk and telling jokes and laughing at everything. They were having a great time. To top it all, this big fat man all dressed in red wearing a long white beard entered the room yelling Ho-Ho-Ho! He seemed drunk. He sat on the sofa and all the children ran to him, saying : “Santa Claus, Santa Claus”… as if the party were in his honor !

At 12 midnight all the people began to hug each other ; I extended my arms waiting for someone to hug me and …. do you know …. no one hugged me. Suddenly they all began to share gifts. They opened them one by one with great expectation. When all had been opened, I looked to see if, maybe, there was one for me. What would you feel if on your birthday everybody shared gifts and you did not get one ? I then understood that I was unwanted at that party and quietly left.

Every year it gets worse. People only remember to eat and drink, the gifts, the parties and nobody remembers me. I would like this Christmas that you allow me to enter into your life. I would like that you recognize the fact that almost two thousand years ago I came to this world to give my life for you, on the cross, to save you. Today, I only want that you believe this with all you heart.

I want to share something with you. As many didn’t invite me to their party, I will have my own celebration, a grandiose party that no one has ever imagined, a spectacular party. I’m still making the final arrangements. Today I am sending out many invitations and there is an invitation for you. I want to know if you wish to attend and I will make a reservation for you and write your name with golden letters in my great guest book. Only those on the guest list will be invited to the party. Those who don’t answer the invitation, will be left outside. Do you know how you can answer this invitation? it is by extending it to others whom you care for… I’ll be waiting for all of you to attend my party this year…

See you soon …. I love you !

– Jesus Christ

McClelland’s Motivational Needs Theory

A key skill of any manager is getting the best from their staff and other people.

And one sure fire way of doing this is to understand what motivates people!

David McClelland was an American professor at Wesleyan University and Harvard in the United States before he died in 1998. While at Harvard, he spent more than 20 years studying the way people are motivated and how they address their achievements and needs.

After years of research he published a book called “The Achieving Society” in which he discussed the three types of motivational needs he discovered: affiliation motivation, authority or power motivation, and achievement motivation. He found that everyone, regardless of their level in the workplace, experiences all three of these needs on some level – whether they need to motivate others or be motivated themselves.

The need for affiliation covers the idea that everyone needs to have positive relationships and, as a result, everyone is motivated towards developing some sort of interaction with others. Those who fall into this category, also labeled n-affil, want to be liked and work well in teams.

A person with a need for authority and power, also referred to as an n-pow person, wants to make a huge impact on the world.

They want their ideas to be heard and also focus on making sure others see them as prestigious or with high status.

Those who feel a need to achieve, or the n-ach people, are highly motivated. They set a lot of challenging goals but remain realistic at the same time. Those who need to feel as though they’ve achieved their goals constantly seek to hear feedback from others.

Most people possess all three of these characteristics but spend most of the time leaning more towards one than the others. The one that a person leans towards most will determine what type of worker or manager they will become – objective, determined, flexible, etc.

Achievement motivated individuals, however, always seem to get the best results in the end! Or do they……

So your action point for this session is to get to know what drives your people and then use this when developing them, when helping them, when giving them corrective feedback – you name it!

If you are treating two people the same then chances are that you are not doing it right.

The Risk of Responsibility

And we urge you, brethren, admonish the unruly, encourage the fainthearted, help the weak, be patient with all men. 1 Thessalonians 5:14

In his best-seller, The Third Wave, Alvin Toffler writes that much teenage rebellion today occurs because teenagers no longer feel needed by the family unit nor economically productive during the prolonged adolescent years. Children need to be given jobs to do in the home, partly because of their need to be needed. This can be difficult for perfectionistic parents. But, for example, if you want to train your children to clean the kitchen, you’ve got to lower your expectations of what a clean kitchen looks like-at least initially. If you want to teach your child to help with the laundry, you’ve got to expect clumsy folding jobs. And if you dare to help your child learn how to cook, be ready to put up with spills, splatters and splashes.

None of our children is a “neat freak.” Ashley, our oldest, is a pack rat. She wants a souvenir from every exciting moment of her life. Benjamin is the champion of expediency. He wants to put off his cleaning chores because “If I vacuum now, it’ll be dirty again by tonight.” (Unfortunately, he’s right.) Deborah is our resident artist. She starts picking up the playroom, but before long she’s decorating the room-or herself.

Yet we want our children to come to maturity. If we expect them to learn dependability, we have to depend on them. If we want our children to learn responsibility, we have to risk this gap between our expectations and their performances.

 

Prayer:

For the courage to risk allowing your children to be children, as well as for their continued growth toward maturity and increasing dependability.

Discuss: How does your family divide household chores? Do any of your children complain that their part is unfair? What jobs do you sometimes think you had rather do yourself than risk children doing them inadequately?

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A day without a perdurable is like a day without sunshine

Lucky Draw Surprise

With the festive season setting in there has been a lot of hustle and bustle in the shopping malls. People buying clothes, accessories, electronic goods, mobile phones and just about everything these days. Shopping malls are flooded with people taking the benefit of the various offers and discounts that they offer during the festival season.

Last week my wife and I were a part of a large number of people who decided to go for shopping on a Saturday afternoon. Being a weekend, the day had a lazy start. We had some grocery shopping to be done and went to a newly opened mall in the town. And as is common of every mall during the festive season, this mall too had offers and discounts and luck draw for its shoppers.

My wife who is an enthusiastic shopper quickly spotted the luck draw counter and got the details that said, if the total shopping bill amount is more than Rs. 500 the shopper is entitles to one luck draw coupon. The prices included a Yamaha Bike, a Moped Scooter and LCD Plasma Television.

So hoping to make a total bill amount of at least Rs. 500 we set out on our shopping spree. Three and a half hours later, holding a bill with a total amount of Rs. 5000 (yes.. Five Thousand) we proudly marched towards the lucky draw counter to get our coupons. Well, we weren’t the only ones. There must have been almost a dozen people lined up to get their luck draw coupons, each holding a bill of a minimum Rs. 500 and some as high as Rs. 30000. Thankfully I was holding a modest bill.

When we reached the counter the pretty lady smiled at us and said that we can have three tickets instead of just one, because the bill amount was Rs. 5000. That made us even more excited. It meant that we had a better chance of winning the draw. So we filled in the tickets on each of our names and the third one on my son’s name. We dropped the tickets in the box and hoping to win something we went home.

I have done this a number of times earlier and till yesterday have never won any luck draw or anything like this. Even when we play Bingo with friends I end up winning nothing at all. So when we filled the coupons and dropped them in the box, I really didn’t expect much. I was just happy with the shopping I had done that day.

It had been two days since we had tried our luck and I had almost forgotten about the whole thing when my phone rang at about 5:00pm. There was a lady at the other end asking for me. I was a little excited to know who she was. She told me that she was a representative from the mall that we had gone shopping a couple of days before and where we had tried our luck at the luck draw. To my great surprise she congratulated me and told me that one of the three coupons that we had dropped in the box had been selected in the luck draw and we had won a prize! For a moment I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. It isn’t every day that you get to hear a sweet voice saying “Congratulations you have won the luck draw!” I confirmed with her to make sure that I had indeed won.

My wife and I quickly got ready and ran to the mall to find out what we had won. I think people looking at us could easily make out that we had won something; especially my wife. She was so happy that she didn’t even want to know what we had won. Just the fact that we had won the luck draw was enough for her. But her happiness and excitement was short lived… we had not won the Yamaha Bike, no we didn’t even win the Moped Scooter, but yes we had finally won the LCD Plasma Television (a real BIG plasma TV), my wife was more than happy and excited to have won a

LCD Television because it was one of her most wanted items in the list that she make at the beginning of every year. And now finally before even the year is over, she has one.

I believe God has plans for all of us. He provides us with every small and big thing that we need at the appropriate time. It’s up to us to trust in Him and wait for His time. In His time he will provide.

Thanks be to Jesus who provided us with all the luxuries of life.